I’m going to try an experiment for the next 50 days.
Every day, I’m going to write about a specific moment I had that day.
Today’s moment was in the gym, on a spin bike.
Some background: I am extremely prone to overthinking. It’s the kind of problem that everyone says they have, and it’s impossible, and probably unhelpful, to compare oneself to others in that regard. After all, we can’t really measure “thoughts-per-minute,” and there aren’t any objective standards or benchmarks for it. Suffice it to say, I’ve had anxiety and OCD for years, so it feels like my mind is pushing the speedometer pretty often. I have a baseline level of fixation and overthinking that happens every day, and when I am dealing with tough situations, especially ones that require me to make difficult choices, my mind leaps into overdrive.
I’m in that position now. I’ve got a lot of uncertainty about the future of my role at work, and have been wracking my brain for two weeks about a career decision. I can’t stop thinking about it, or asking others for advice. I’ve asked my parents, my girlfriend, old friends, new friends, and even strangers on the internet. It’s part of my OCD, probably.
At the same time, I have another weird fixation that I’ve been dealing with for years: my contact lenses, specifically the one in my left eye. A few years ago, it became an object of intense fixation and fear, and I haven’t been able to shake it. Almost every moment of every day, it bothers and distracts me (and before you ask, for various reasons, wearing glasses isn’t a solution, and neither is LASIK).
So with both these burdens weighing on me, I entered the gym this evening. I performed the ritual of entering the locker room, putting on my gym clothes, locking the locker door, putting my airpods in, choosing music, and filling my water bottle. I made my way to a spin bike on the second floor of the gym, adjusted the seat, and tried to get the attached computer to work for a bit before giving up and just pedaling to music.
About 15 minutes in, I realized I had stopped focusing on my work problem. I had a couple thoughts about what principles I could use to make my difficult decision, and then I was able to let it go. Also the obsession with my left contact lens was totally gone. I was seeing clearly, enjoying the sweat and the music.
For people prone to overthinking, it can feel like thinking is the solution to all life’s problems, so the more we do of it, the better. But, although there’s no “Anonymous” for dealing with it, thinking can become an addiction like many other things, and when overdone is unhelpful. I realized two things:
- When you realize you’re overthinking, and you have control over it, just stop. Additional thinking won’t help, and it’s best to get your mind out of the way of whatever deeper psychological and emotional processes are taking place.
- If you’re overthinking or fixating, and you feel like you don’t have control over it, then stop trying to make it stop. I realized I have limited control over my mind, and even when it’s torturing me, I make it worse by fighting with it. My goal is to let it do weird things if it must, and then carry on with my day.
More to come soon…
